For four years of my life, I was huge. Yes. I said it. Huge! Most people have a hard time admitting this. NOT ME. Despite me “accepting” my size, everyone around me knew that I that I was uncomfortable with my extra pounds. I dressed with no confidence and didn’t care about my appearance – my poor choices in wardrobe, my toxic relationship, and extra weight had ballooned up around me, literally.
Most ‘big girls,’as we have affectionately stamped ourselves (better known as “BG’s”) walk around as if we are completely and totally comfortable with ourselves. Honestly speaking, “No, we are not.” You never get comfortable with being out of breath and sweating profusely. And if you do, more power to you!
I had gotten up to almost 300 pounds. After having my fifth child and going through a breakup, I finally began to shift gears and place myself first. For so long, I had become so consumed with trying to please my spouse, my children, and being a homemaker that I lost site in myself. As women, we often look to our spouses to help motivate us and inevitably make us feel that we are enough.
We have been taught by society that looking to the opposite sex for your security is not okay. The truth of the matter is IT IS okay. It’s just not okay when you are looking for your partner to be the only source of that “warm feeling” about yourself and becoming even more insecure, when you don’t receive it.
To me, F.A.T. means F-inding A-ccountability in T-ransition. There are three things I learned from F.A.T. in a relationship.
- It can be very confusing for you to correctly gauge what to expect emotionally from your partner. However, the one thing that you should know is that whatever emotional deposit your partner is making, it should never make you feel insecure.
- We expect to feel good about ourselves and look to our partner to help, but sometimes, we have the WRONG partner. First of all, if your partner is not giving you that feeling, you must find it within yourself. You may be with the wrong person if you are talked down to about your appearance and not being motivated to better your appearance.
- We should speak what we feel. If your partner is bringing you nothing but negativity, let them know that. Note, it’s your partner’s fault because you are not satisfied with yourself. However, it is your fault, if you are ALLOWING your partner to make you question yourself.
- Taking action is very important in getting to a better place. Don’t think things will change magically if you are not changing your behavior. I was able to lose 100 pounds in nine months after have five children (four of them back to back) and have a developed a more positive outlook on life, and I am still on my journey.
So, remember to look within for that positive motivation that you need; and if you do have a partner, be sure that they are a part of the solution and not the problem. I embrace F.A.T. and so should you.